This story has taught me a life lesson that some things in life cannot be planned. Throughout my life I have always been an organised person. I like to plan the future whether it be for tomorrow or next year I have always have something to work towards achieving.
After a long nine months my bags were packed with everything but the kitchen sink, my house was scrubbed from top to bottom and the moses basket was waiting to be filled by a newborn.
My due date was the 12th of January 2017. However, on the 23rd of December my consultant made the decision to bring me in for induction on Wednesday the 28th due to pregnancy complications.
Myself and my husband arrived to admissions at 6am and were brought up to the ward fairly promptly. The midwife did her checks on me and bump. All was good to proceed with the induction. So at about 8am my doctor gave me a pessary and then the waiting came commenced. We waited and waited…. And waited!
Women were coming and going all around me. There was a lot of groaning, crying, cursing, and screaming. However, none from me. Well maybe that’s lie there were a few tears and definitely some cursing but I didn’t experience one single contraction.
I went to all the antenatal classes. I went to pregnancy yoga. I bought a tens machine, essential oils, hypnobirthing books and apps. I had my birth plan set out. I had high expectations. I wanted a natural vaginal birth.
Thursday morning came and my consultant recommended a c-section but I begged for them to try the induction again. They gave me another pessary and tried to break my waters. I walked, I bounced, I did everything I could but another day passed and still no baby. So the decision was made to do an emergency C-section.
On Friday the 30th of December at 3pm I was taken down to theatre with my husband. He was brought to be gowned up while I was given a spinal anesthetic. I have never been so scared in all my life. Nurses make the worst patients so I’m sure I was awful my midwife Gráinne was so lovely. She held my hand and reassured me. My legs went numb and my husband was brought in.
The c-section was very surreal. I could feel tugging and pulling but it wasn’t painful. To be honest the surgery was a blur. My blood pressure dropped and I lost consciousness for a couple of minutes. Then at 15.56 my beautiful son Oisín was born. He was placed on my chest for a second. I was overcome by a combination of exhaustion, emotion and relief. I got no warning and began to vomit. My poor husband nearly caught it in his hand! I was then looked after and stitched back up. My husband was given our son and taken to recovery. After what felt like an eternity I was finally got to hold my son! From that moment my life changed forever. He is my world and reason for living every single day.
It has taken over a year to deal with my feelings of failure and guilt. I felt my c-section was a surgical procedure and not a birth experience. However, after counselling and working on ways to deal with flashbacks I now believe it maybe far from the birth I had hoped for but I carried him for nine months and the way he came into the world doesn’t matter. He is happy, healthy and my greatest achievement yet.
There may be many women who would disagree with me but if I am lucky to ever have another child I will not have a birth plan. It doesn’t matter what way you bring life into this world all mothers are amazing!
Thanks for reading
Love Bróna aka snaphappymammy
Www.instagram.com/snaphappymammy (join my #endpndstigma campaign)
2 thoughts on “My birth story for Caesarean Section Awareness Month”
Woman these stories have me sobbing. Love u my oldest and dearest. I cannot wait for my kids to be In Your life and our kids to just as we are 😘😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
You talk about it in such a positive way, like you were actually able to enjoy your baby then <3.
I wasn't. My waters broke, induction was imposed by protocol. I wasn't allowed to move an inch as they would lose the baby heartbeat. I effaced but not dilatated and the nurses kept saying "nothing was happening" and I had until x hour or C-section. No one told me I was effacing. Hours passed. 12 hours of induction, 10 with maximum oxytocine I was broken, more psychologically than physically. At that point I needed pain relief. Just told them if they were going to force me to a C-section in an hour and something anyway might as well get into that instead of trying an epidural that was going to take 40 minutes to kick in.
I spent the C-section vomiting and crying. I saw my baby a minute and they were sent away. I didn't see it until about two hours later, so it was the next day already (so for me his birthday shouldn't had been St Patricks day, as I didn't even got to hold him then).
I feel terrible about the birth, but I also feel terrible for how I handled it. In our first pictures together I look broken. I was in so much emotional pain…
I wish I could go back and if not changing the birth (I would change the birth and do things different this time as if I had known I had effaced I would had kept going), at least I would like to change my reaction to it, so at least I could look back and remember the joy of meeting my child instead of the pain.
Maybe one day…
Hugs mama :*