Wishing the Days Away

Oisín is now fifteen months old, and I’ve spent most of those months wishing for the next milestone. Each day I longed for next, the next week, the next month or the next step.

I couldn’t wait for the big milestones but if I’m honest I can’t actually remember his first time to sit up, roll over or crawl.

I have been so focused on all of the things he should be doing and comparing his abilities to similar aged children. I was preoccupied by this and didn’t quite enjoy all of the little milestones he’s already accomplished.

I can’t remember when he first rolled over because I was too busy wishing he would sit up and chat. Don’t get me wrong, I was still happy he was achieving milestones but I couldn’t help but think of what was next to come. It became very easy to wish away the days. I spent a period yearning for the next stage in the hope the days would become easier. It’s taken me over a year to realise that many stages have disappeared before my eyes. I have milestone books and cards but unfortunately I was very complacent with using them.

If you have ready previous blogs you will know I’m not ashamed to admit that some days may have been wished away because they were a struggle. Sometimes I am overcome with guilt about the fact that I didn’t enjoy the early days. Although, Oisín was a planned baby I’m not sure I was fully aware of what to expect. The sleepless nights, the lack of freedom, the mess to my perfectly kept home, teething, tantrums and the fear of the unimaginable had me wishing the days away. I longed for days that I could enjoy. It may sound selfish but as Oisín grows he is becoming more more independent allowing mammy to regain her identity. However, its bitter sweet because I can’t help but wish we could have more time before he grows anymore.

I am still coming to the terms that Oisín is now a toddler (he will always be my baby). He is so energetic and fun now . He can play independently but also interacts with others. He is developing his own gorgeous personality and becoming a wonderful little boy.

Sometime over the past few weeks, I’ve fallen in love with being a mother. Like I mentioned in a Previous Blog Post the moment Oisín was born I knew I loved him but it took a little longer than I expected to connect with him. I believe a bond has to grow. Like most relationships I just needed to get to know him. This bond has been gradual for me. I suppose I found it difficult to adjust. Being so focused on routine and milestones I forgot to enjoy life. While hoping that each milestone would make my own life easier, I failed to appreciate some of moments we already had.

I wish I’d stopped with the wishing and enjoyed living in the moment with my baby. I’ll never regain the days I have wished away. Its a regret I’ll probably have forever. However, at this moment in time I refuse to wish away anymore of our days together. He won’t be a little boy forever. The past year may have slipped away from me but I am now making a conscious effort to enjoy moments in every day with my son. I plan on creating memories we can relish and for anyone struggling I encourage you to start with ten minutes of fun or happiness with your child. You won’t regret it.

Love Bróna

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Don’t forget to participate in my campaign on Instagram to help Raise Awareness and End Post Natal Depression Stigma. All you have to do is use the Hashtag #endpndstigma in your post and describe what PND means to. You could be in with a chance of winning a set if cards from I can cards.

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